A Burden for Boys

Dear Henry and Hannah, 

I hope my letter finds you well in a relationship with Christ.

This letter is mostly for Henry, and I hope it finds you before you turn 16. 

I have a burden for boys, and whenever there is a burden for boys, there is a burden on families, communities, countries, and even the world.

Too many schoolboys have missed the mark of what an intentional youth should be, and while we can blame the parents, schools, and society, the truth is, it’s the boys who will pay the ultimate price for whoever or whatever failed them.

The prevalence of our culture, not just locally but internationally, has influenced everyone, especially our youth, in such a way that there seems to be no escape from a dark, dangerous, and detrimental pathway for a particular set of youths.

Part of the problem is that some boys and young men are missing an essential piece of the puzzle, and that piece holds the key to what their choices will afford them in the near future.

The youth knew yesterday, know a bit about today, but tomorrow seems so far away; some say it’s a mystery. 

But is tomorrow really a mystery? 

Technically, no. 

It depends on the context and the lens one is looking through. If the youth look out of their own lens, tomorrow can be blurry, but if a young man takes the time to analyze his life today, minus what he can’t control, he can almost perfectly predict what his life will look like tomorrow. 

All he has to do is observe the people around him and, in some cases, look through their lens to assess the experiences of the men in his community.

Fortunately, at my age, I have a glimpse of their tomorrow. I’ve had the opportunity to see replicas of their future selves standing in the sun all day, calling themselves security officers, and battling tree branches to withstand the horrendous heat. While squalls on their lips, whiter than their shirts, were an all-too-telling sign of their inner happenings.

In no time, this low-level security guard finds himself with a baby mother, and now with three or even four mouths to feed; the pressures of poverty breed another cycle of prevailing penury.

While I am all for optimism, too many people do not understand its basis. Many youths are delusional about reaping tomorrow what they didn’t sow today. 

Truthfully, some adults are still like that, but the difference between a delusional adult and a youth is that, if life lasts, most adults’ lives are far behind them. On the other hand, the youth is just at the bottom of the mountain, ill-equipped to embark on a treacherous climb called his life. Another thing to note is that time is not nearly as hard as it will be in the future. 

The future favors those who prepare for it today, but most youths, boys, in this respect, are idling away their futures. They are much too concerned with wearing the latest bags, having their hair like mops, with combs sticking out, a pair of unspeckled Clarks, and a toothbrush on hand to clean their pompous pair of shoes as they exit public transportation.

Pants below their butts, a hoodie or kerchiefs over their heads like criminals, and stifling their breath to walk and talk as if they have some severe mental disorder. 

Most of the time, these schoolboys are in groups, lurking, lingering, and even laughing together at transportation hubs, in town centers, and on the streets of their communities. In their small minds, they think they are hip, hype, and happening, unaware that they are dumb, a dunce, and done with. 

Whenever I see them, I see poverty lurking, but more than that, I see the generational cycle sentenced to another 100 years of hard labor.

The youth have no idea that not too far from now, they will go to bed one night and wake up the next morning as an adult, literally. The pair of Clarks they once cherished would have done their days, and so would their poor parents, if their father were even around. By that time, their parents had given the little they had and were now in need of help themselves, a result of poor living conditions and extreme sacrifices, including their health.

Reality checks everybody at some stage, but I’ve come to believe that it has a vendetta against uneducated youths. In a moment, the egregious wheels of adulthood start turning rapidly, and a boy who was once the no-book, bleached face, class clown, fresh prince of Bel-Air, resorts to a battered broom as he battles the ferocious floor of Mr. Chin’s supermarket. 

If he is lucky, he will get a job wrapping flour, and in no time, he will realize that even if he had a toothbrush to brush the Clarks’ cousin, he is demoted to sporting; he wouldn’t have time to do so, and no toothbrush can stand up to flour’s fury. 

But a low-level supermarket job isn’t the only option that is waiting. There are plenty of options such as construction, higglering, fishing, and even conducting or loading transportation. After all, bus drivers need somebody to collect the money, especially from unruly passengers, and shout ‘Ready town, Spanish town’, oftentimes, much to the disrespect of prideful passengers.

The uneducated youth, who thought he had all the time in the world and thought he was provoking the teacher and bullying other students, has suddenly found himself in survival mode, a slave with invisible chains, bowing to his masters who hold the invisible whip.

As a merchandiser in my early 20s, I worked in many supermarkets, and I’ve seen too many young men lift hundreds of bags of 100-pound flour and rice off trucks, onto pallets, and then into the storerooms to pack them. In my mind, all I could see were meager mules working so hard you felt sorry for them. Some of these young men were so thin that they had no business straining themselves with such heavy loads, even with the proper gear.

Speaking of proper gear, some of the employers didn’t even want to spend their money to purchase a decent backstrap for these young men to use, and quite frankly, no amount of gear is suitable for an 18-, 20-, or 22-year-old to be lifting a bag of rice on his shoulders that weighs 100 pounds. 

Oh, Henry, don’t feel sorry for them; these are the lucky ones. At least they have jobs. Some of the others not only don’t want jobs, but can’t get jobs because of illiteracy and unemployability factors. Still, the worst are those who turn to crime, spend their time in prison, or, even worse, have met their untimely demise in this life.

Henry, my grandmother used to say, “Fowl caan hear sheee, him hear bam.” Because I’ve had my fair share of bams, I hope that at least one young man will hear my letter to you and recognize that it’s a ‘sheee’ before it’s too late and he has to hear his share of bams.

On the other hand, their counterparts, quiet, simple youth, are the target of their bullying and unhinged jokes. That youth, even if he is financially poor, is mentally rich because his parents are teaching him the value of investing in himself through education for tomorrow.

While the other boys try to impress everyone and attract the girls’ attention, the intelligent youth does his schoolwork. Sowing assiduously and is willing to play the long game to reap what he has sown. His parents, who most likely are both at home, are working hard to change the trajectory of their family’s fortune today. 

Notwithstanding, some of these youths come from backgrounds similar to those of the aspiring ‘gangsters’ but have purposed in their hearts not to become products of their environment. So, we see that while challenging conditions may delay, a determined boy will not be denied a successful future if he chooses to focus on his education, a path less pursued by those around him.

The hallmark of many poor communities: lack of vision and values, single-parent households, more children than ‘whey John read bout,’ lack of rules and parental guidance, and little expectation for their children’s future. Yet all of these inhibitions are masked or wrapped in a bow by a brand-name bag, expensive boots, bleached skin, and shaved eyebrows. 

Not to mention the latest phones and gadgets, the unintentional youth have to get them at all costs, as if it’s a reward or a way to make up for substandard living. A temporary distraction from a permanent reality. Hence, my belief: the smarter the phone, the dumber the boy.

Their fathers are more likely to be absent, their mothers are overwhelmed, and good-for-nothing men on the streets can’t wait for them to join them in churning out their handmiddles with ganja and a cup of alcohol at their feet.

Teachers are frustrated, gangs are on standby to recruit them, and police officers can’t wait to get rid of them. Pastors don’t see them in church until their bodies are in a box, and the cycle continues as if society is strung out on crack.

The part that gets to me is that these boys can’t even comprehend that high school is a few years away, that they’re about to turn a page, and that they will come of age very soon.

Some of them can’t read and write, but are quite au fait with every word, beat, and bellows of the latest, most degrading songs. Worldliness is a rite of passage that helps them fit into their environments, leading them to neglect countless opportunities to stand out. 

Opportunities such as making the effort to read and write, passing a few subjects, learning a skill from a tradesman, or attending classes at HEART, the nation’s National Training Agency.

Hen and Han, for the record, I am not saying that being poor will ultimately lead to perpetual poverty; neither does being rich lead to extravagant wealth. On both sides, plenty of notable figures have done the opposite of what their upbringing was like.

I am, however, saying that people who are poor with even moderate values and visions for a better future can change the trajectory of poverty for generations. 

Have no values of your own? 

Take the children to church and around people and places that will positively impact them in the long term, more than a pair of Clarks or the latest iPhone ever could. This approach does not mean that the parent gives up their responsibility for their children to these people and agencies; it means that they will help in the areas where the parents are deficient.

In a perfect world, I would say a good place for boys to start is to spend a little time analyzing their home and environment. Even starting with what they don’t want and believing that they don’t have to accept the hand they were dealt and pass that on to their children. I’ve known plenty of men whose values were grounded in the belief that they didn’t want their children to suffer as they did, and so, by rejecting their past, they set about creating their ideal futures.

A youth can start by observing a classmate who is a little better off than he is. Unfortunately, most of the time, the system tends to flock birds of a feather together; thus, seeing someone light-years away from their reality in their classroom is perhaps unlikely.

Nonetheless, there is always an anomaly, and a boy should be able to find another boy in the entire school who is astute, willing to learn, and well-behaved to serve as a role model. Then there is the challenge of peer pressure, but even if it’s to model the student in their minds. 

I would also say try to befriend the intentional boy, but oftentimes the burden of a brain buried under the pressures of poverty and a lack of purpose breeds ‘bad mind’ rather than an opportunity to model. Instead of trying to copy the life of the person they would want to be like, some youths try to rob them, which sometimes results in robbing them of their lives.

Veering back onto a more positive path, I am optimistic that a boy can find a role model in their society. While some school standards have declined rapidly, passionate teachers are great role models. The problem is that some of these youths are more inclined toward superficial riches and status, as found in some dancehall acts, rather than the slow and steady wealth that doesn’t glitter but is indeed gold. 

The intent of my letter is not to belittle any job that is legal, ethical, and honest. Whether that be a security officer, a supermarket employee, a construction worker, or a loader man. My point is that low-income earners often experience greater economic difficulties in society. 

These jobs are usually held by less-educated people, while their more qualified counterparts are more likely to hold positions in law, engineering, medicine, education, and related fields. Thereby enabling them to have a better quality of life and, more importantly, breaks the cycle of struggle and poverty for generations to come.

My dearest Henry and Hannah, knowing your aunt, I could continue writing this letter, offering suggestions, and then have the other side of my brain challenge them from now until next week.  

Speaking of next week, I will write you then.

But before I go, I would like to mention three things.

First, I believe there is a need for a course that helps youths to think intentionally and constructively. Common sense is not so common anymore, and the advent of technology and AI has further depleted the residual brain power of many of our youth. But this is a whole other topic which I will write about in my letters to come. 

The second point I would like to make concerns hope. If someone is working a job that pays near minimum wage, I hope you know you don’t have to stay there. Wasting your time in high school is not a life sentence to mediocrity; you don’t have to make the same mistake twice. If the consequences of your actions got you a job that doesn’t suit your lifestyle, you have the power to change your actions so that you can achieve a more favorable outcome.

The third and most important thing is that I believe the best way for boys to become blessings rather than burdens to their families, communities, and even countries is to get to know God by reading His word. There are principles and practices in the Bible that, if applied, can transform or, even better yet, prevent burdened boys from becoming broken men.

My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings. ²¹ Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart. ²² For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh. ²³ Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. ²⁴ Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee. ²⁵ Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. ²⁶ Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. ²⁷ Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil. Proverbs 4:20-27

With love, light, and leverage,

Your great, great, great, great aunt, P. A. Dawkins