Dear Henry and Hannah,
Whether people want to admit it or not, I honestly believe that every family has at least one bearer of bad news.
If I wasn’t writing to you, I would be afraid to admit it too. Anyhow, since my letters are directed towards you in the future, hopefully the bearer will not know about this letter.
Unless, of course, other news bearers will direct this information to the person.
Since the Bible says I should take the beam out of my eyes before I try to take the mote out of others, I have to admit that at some point I have been the bearer of bad news. We all have been, and unfortunately, will continue to do so.
Truthfully, it’s recommended that some bad news be transmitted by those of us who are closest to the recipient. But that’s not what I am talking about here.
I am talking specifically about those moments when, before you answer the phone, you know it’s bad news. Almost every day, somebody is sick, someone died, in fact, there are multiple deaths, or someone was in an accident.
These are the ones who you try to avoid asking how they are because they are going to greet you with a laundry list of aches, worries, and pain.
When it’s not that, it’s something about the lack of money, and if they can’t find anything, which rarely is the case, they will talk about the bad weather. If you are not careful, they will try to sneak in a suss, under the guise of being concerned for the person.
Additionally, these news-bearers aren’t only interested in spreading local bad news. They watch the televised news and then share it with you, expressing their disappointment. The workplace is filled with these bad-news bearers. Depending on your workplace, some employees will gather at someone’s desk for hours and share their take on the latest news, locally and internationally.
Depending on the topic, even the manager will join in. But that’s for another story; let’s get back to this domestic bad-news bearer.
I was sleeping one day when a phone call woke me. Recognizing it was the bearer of bad news, I decided not to answer. After I took care of what I needed to, another call came half an hour later from the bearer. I answered, and as you guessed, it was bad news about the illness of a relative.
I’m sorry to hear that was the only thing I could say at the moment.
After I hung up, I thought about the caller and how they sounded. I don’t want this to sound bad, but the person sounded a bit too cheerful about the situation.
I don’t think they meant anything bad by sounding so cheerful; I think it’s because they have done this so often that it’s become like a sport to them. Joy may be too strong, but perhaps they find relevance in sharing this news.
But it’s not just this person. I’ve seen the same behavior, especially among a certain age group. Since they have little to do, they accumulate the dead, especially in their district, and use their phones to spread the news.
On Sunday, you will get a call: John, Tom, and Mary are dead. By next week, another call to say someone else joined the ranks of the dead.
Speaking of that, the same bearer I am referencing in this letter told me about the death of a woman who did business at the entrance of the community in which I lived. At that time, the woman had passed on for more than a week. The bearer mentioned it as if I already knew. The person said they thought I heard because the deceased did business near my community. I wonder who was supposed to tell me.
Apparently they thought that there was a resident bad-news bearer in my community as well. Perhaps there is, but it’s a bit tricky in my community. Unlike the bearer’s community, which has been around for a long time, my community is relatively new and made up of folks from all over the country. Thus, people would not randomly tell me that the person they don’t even know, if I know, has passed away.
He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips. Proverbs 20:19.
Over a decade ago, I decided I would not be the one to tell anyone bad news. Since bad news travels so fast, I don’t need to be part of the communication cycle.
Those who are supposed to hear will hear, and they don’t have to hear it from me.
It’s not only because I don’t look forward to carrying bad news, but also because when the hearer decides to pass it on, they pass along the bearer’s name in the conversation. “Marsha told me that Mass Bobby is dead,” and even when that doesn’t change the fact that poor Mass Bobby is dead, his relatives build up a dislike for Marsha because Marsha was the one who shared their vulnerability.
I don’t want a soul to say I was the one who told them about another’s demise. Time is too serious, and people are too dishonest for me to get into complications with people who may add to what I say.
Anyway, back to the main bearer of bad news. You may be wondering what I am doing about it. The truth is, there isn’t much that I can do. I need to stay in regular communication with this person about other things. Also, more than once, I’ve gotten into an altercation with the person about bearing bad news. The bearer didn’t take kindly to my suggestion that they ease up on carrying bad news.
The last time I confronted them, they asked what was wrong with telling people, including me, about what happens in the family or in the district.
Since nothing is inherently wrong, my only argument was that the person shouldn’t be too quick to share the news and should avoid being the one to tell some people.
If you have any suggestions, kindly let me know, because even though I am not looking forward to hearing all this bad news, I don’t want it to be a case where I decide to call Ms. Jane, only to be told Jane passed away months ago.
What’s unfortunate is that many times the bearer of bad news doesn’t want their bad news to be spread abroad, just as they delight in spreading others’. Frankly, they won’t have a say in who spreads their bad news when they are ultimately unable to spread any bad news at all.
Anyhow, if you are like us who participate in bearing bad news from time to time, let us remember that we have good news, the gospel. We are commissioned to spread the hope of salvation in Jesus, our soon-coming King. Let us spread the gospel like wildfire, especially to those who have not yet heard it.
May we all seek forgiveness for our errors, and also pray for those who are cumbered with the business of talebearing, or any other thing that displeases God.
Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: 20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. Matthew 28:19-20
Until next time.
Your great aunt,
Queen Patrene
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