Today, we will explore the question: Can a soft answer still turn away wrath in today’s hostile world? I will share three personal stories with you, and then we will examine the lessons we can learn from them and apply the principles in similar circumstances.
In Proverbs 15:1, we read about the counsel of King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, which says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. This means that, in general, speaking kindly and gently to an angry person is more likely to appease them.
But how do Solomon’s words measure up in a world of so much turmoil that even the victim is better off apologizing to the offender?
Let’s explore my experiences.
Some time ago, I was driving in one of the busiest cities in my country. I was in my car in the left lane at a stoplight, and a man in a Hiace motor vehicle was in the right lane. I was going somewhere I wasn’t quite familiar with, so I thought that I needed to be in the right lane. As soon as the light turned green, I pulled ahead, put on my indicator, and moved in front of the Hiace as we entered the main road.
Not a minute later, I realized that lane wasn’t where I should be, so I indicated and moved to the left lane. By then, the man was furious, and I could see him expressing his anger in my rearview mirror. The gentleman sped up beside me, and before he could continue to lash out (this time, right at me), I rolled down my window and said, “I’m sorry…”.
The minute I said that, the man threw his arms up in the air, as if it were a sudden surrender, and backed off immediately. My apology was more than accepted, and we both went merry.
Here are three lessons we should learn.
- You don’t have to be wrong to apologize.
Technically, I wasn’t wrong. Before the motorist went ahead, I indicated that there was also space for me to join in, and that’s what I did. However, as soon as I realized that wasn’t the lane I should be in, I indicated and moved over to the left lane. Because I made him uncomfortable, I believe the best course of action was to apologize, which I did.
To this day, I still think about how my response immediately pacified the motorist’s anger.
The second incident, which occurred in a different part of the city, was quite similar.
It was my first few days living and working in the city, and one evening I left work when it was getting dark. The traffic stopped at the stoplight, and when it turned green, we turned right. To make the right turn, we entered a road that was somewhat semicircular, and when I turned, I couldn’t see the pale white line; therefore, my vehicle slightly protruded into the right lane.
The driver honked the horn roughly, and I drove my car over to where I should be. We had a long stretch of road before we caught up with each other, but when we got to where the streets were better lit, I rolled down my window, and you guessed it – I apologized.
The two men in the SUV gracefully accepted my apology. Thankfully, about a month later, the lines were redone and were quite visible even on the darkest night.
- Your apologizing doesn’t necessarily mean it is your fault or that you did it intentionally.
While I take full responsibility for what happened, I could easily blame the government or the responsible parties for not marking or lighting the roads correctly, but that would not solve the problem.
Since we had also gone some distance, I could act as if I had forgotten what had happened. However, my vehicle intruded on another motorist’s lane, and when the opportunity presented itself, I did the right thing.
Imagine being at a party, someone bumps you, and then you spill your drink on other patrons. Was that your fault? No, it wasn’t, but the reasonable thing to do is to apologize because your drink messed up others’ drinks.
Additionally, God forbid, if the person who messed up were to retaliate, they wouldn’t go looking for the person who bumped you. In some cases, they wouldn’t even know that another force caused the incident and that you may be hurt too; they would more likely take out their anger on you. But fear of retaliation isn’t the basis for an apology—we apologize because it is the right thing to do, and that is what we want for ourselves.
The third experience is one that I am not proud of, but I must share it with you, just in case you think I am a saint.
I was driving on a busy road in the city, and a man in an old pick-up truck behind me seemed to be in a mighty rush. As the light changed to amber, I slowed and stopped at the stoplight. The man was blowing violently, as if he wanted me to blow the red so he wouldn’t have to stop at the stoplight.
He was coming behind me so fast that, to avoid the collision, it was better for him to switch to the left lane. Either that or he wanted to be beside me so he could give me a piece of his mind. It’s the latter because while we waited for the light to turn green, he started hurling all sorts of language at me, and, sad to say, I gave him the middle finger. The man was furious, and with his next move, so was I.
When the light changed to green, the man pushed out ahead and switched over in front of me. That’s when I pulled up my seat, put on my combat cap, and changed lanes. When he thought it was peace and safety, I was in front of him again, driving as slowly as possible.
Despite his honking and carrying on, I expended many of my driving skills and kept him at bay until we went our separate ways.
- Every choice we make has consequences.
In the two previous examples, the consequences of my choices were manageable, which is something we should all strive for. However, the implications of the latter example were utterly different. Both of us were infuriated. It took extra energy to ensure that I didn’t let him pass me again and didn’t hit any of the vehicles in front of me.
All for what?
I would not even consider all the things that could have happened as a result of this incident, which could have affected not just us but also other motorists and public resources, all because of one careless decision.
Not only that, but the incident was still on my mind when I got home. I also wasted my friend’s time and mine, rambling on about the incident.
I can’t tell you how much I regretted my actions that day.
In closing, apologizing or offering a soft answer doesn’t make you weak; letting your ego control you doesn’t make you strong. And just in case you missed it, like grievous words, grievous actions can also stir up anger.
And no, I am not saying you should let people take advantage of you; just do the right thing as best you can for as long as you can.
Countless people wish they had taken the higher road, even if they were the ones who were wronged (and still, some didn’t even get the chance to wish).
So, can a soft answer still turn away wrath in today’s hostile world? The next time you are in such a situation, I suggest you test it.
And here is something to think about…
Can you imagine what the world would be like if Satan had apologized to God and repented of his presumptuousness in heaven?
I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
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