As a child, I struggled with the reality that my mother loved my sister more than me. Perhaps, in my childish thinking, I just couldn’t understand how a mother, having given birth to two children, could love one more than the other. I often asked her about it, but she denied it and always maintained that she loved us just the same. But her actions told a different story, so much so that it was evident to my neighbors, and it didn’t take long for even visitors to notice the difference in how she related to us.
As an adult, I still cannot comprehend how this was possible; however, I have learned to accept it for what it is and be content that, although I’m not the one she loves most, I’m still loved. But getting here wasn’t easy. Here are a few key points to consider if you find yourself in a similar situation.
It is what it is, and there’s nothing you can do to change it
I tried everything to win my mother’s love, not so she would love my sister any less, but so she could love me a little more. But the more I tried, the worse it got. I bought her gifts, and I can vividly remember buying her a birthday card, which she threw down and asked me if she could eat it. I just couldn’t do anything right, while my sister could do no wrong.
Recognizing that I couldn’t change her attitude toward me, I stopped seeking her love and started asking to be treated fairly; even then, nothing changed. And, although these sorts of situations could lead to sibling rivalry, it never did. I loved my sister and wished she would stand up for me someday, but she never did. I eventually left home, and our relationship improved when I started living independently. My sister, although older than I, still lives with our mom to this day, which is a blessing to both of them.
You’re not unique to this situation
I eventually realized I wasn’t as unique in this situation as I initially thought. Many people grew up in similar circumstances, some of whom will even go as far as to say their parents hated them. While hate is a strong word, children who grew up in these situations will form various conclusions based on how they were treated or even perceived to be treated.
On the other hand, others will admit that their parents loved them more, that they were the favored child, or that they were closest to a particular parent. Whatever term is used to describe the relationship one has with his/her parents, it is evident that favoritism exists in families; thus, it is not unique to your family.
Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colors. (Gen. 37:3). And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob. (Gen 25:28).
While you may never know the reasons why your parent(s) love your sibling more, the point is that you’re not unique, and although it may not be fair, just be willing to accept it.
Your parents are not perfect
Although parents play the most essential role in their children’s lives, we need to recognize that they’re not perfect. Being a parent is one of the most challenging jobs in the world. No one way fits all, and there is no manual either. At a family get-together, I asked my father about something he said to me when I was younger, and he responded that he didn’t know any better then.
Unfortunately, favoritism and bias exist in people, and our parents are no exception. Our parents are human beings; they make mistakes. Some parents would tell you that if they had the opportunity to be your parents again, they would do certain things differently. As they grow in wisdom and reflect, many recognize their shortcomings, and some even apologize for their mistakes.
God loves you enough
The most important thing I’ve learned and come to embrace is that God loves me. He loves me with a love that supersedes that of any human being. “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37-39).
Isn’t this awesome? So give thanks that the Lord, who is above all, loves us enough, and that not only His words, but His actions show that He loves us with His everlasting love.
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